What do you do when you have all of 20 minutes to inhale lunch before you run to your next meeting and coming your way is an unbelievably pessimistic workmate? I have witnessed that many individuals are totally selfless in such situations and let the pessimistic person consume an entire break. Some people fuel the fire which means this is not the last time the pessimist will be sucking up every free moment of people's days.
What if reading the first paragraph made you anxious because you suddenly realized you monopolize work colleagues' time with your negativity? How do you even know for sure if you are pessimistic? Is it necessary to change? If so, what can you do to change?
What if reading the first paragraph made you anxious because you suddenly realized you monopolize work colleagues' time with your negativity? How do you even know for sure if you are pessimistic? Is it necessary to change? If so, what can you do to change?
I'm certainly not going to say that having negative thoughts or emotions is abnormal. As a matter of fact, we all know people who pretend to be so positive that no one buys a word they say. The basic idea is to try to increase your positive interactions and emotions in your work and personal relationships, as this spirals you upward.
Positive : Negative Ratios
| Self > 3 : 1 but not more than 11 : 1 = Flourishing happens < 3 : 1 = Languishing < 1 : 1 = Depression is likely here (Akhtar) | Teamwork 6 : 1 = High performing > 1/2 of interactions are negative = Low performing, negative, outward focus for problems, stop questioning 3 : 1 = Tipping point for flourishing (Fredrickson) | In Couples 5 : 1 = Happy 0.8 : 1 = Indicator of divorce looming 2.4 : 1 = More likely to experience infidelity than those 4 : 1 (O'Hanlon&Berolino, 92) |
Optimists vs Pessimists
| OPTIMISTS
| PESSIMISTS
(Lyubomirsky,263) (Peterson, 119) |
Barbara Fredrickson has invested a great deal of her research time looking at happiness and the positivity ratio. On her Positivity website you can take a quick test rating yourself on 20 questions.This will give you a snapshot of how positive you are on this particular day, for instance mine was 3.3 : 1 the other day and 10:1 today. Try the test each day for two weeks to get a realistic picture of your positivity ratio. This will give you an idea if you tend to stay above 3:1.
Quick exercises to boost your optimism
- Remember the Thought Checker I shared in December? This tool is perfect for tackling a negative thought you are having without having to share the negative thought with others. It's beneficial to figure out what your patterns of distorted thinking are so you can eventually catch yourself before or in the moment.
- Write down your pessimistic thoughts and designate a time later when you will take time to reflect on them. Don't allow yourself to give thought to the situation until the designated time (Colman).
- Try taking 20-30 minutes and write about how you visualize your best possible self in one year, five years, or 10 years time. Writing is important with this exercise.
- Wear a band on your wrist and snap it when you have a negative thought, then shift your thinking to something else. (Dascher, 108).
- Have a jar in your office for people to place money if they share a negative thought. When someone places money in the jar, help the person determine a more positive way to look at the situation. If nothing else, I bet you get some good laughs out of this exercise.
- Review your "What went well" and "Gratitude" journal entries.
Helping a pessimist
Considering the negative person approaching you is likely struggling, try to be empathic without enabling the behavior. That being said, if I'm dealing with a time constraint, I often ask if they are wanting to vent or needing my help with solving a problem. I then provide them with a time that works for me so I can mentally prepare myself. While I'm talking with the individual, if a negative statement is made, I ask for the evidence there is to support the statement. Example: "People always listen to you but when I try to say something, no one pays attention." My response might be, "Okay, I hear what you are saying. Let's look at when you were talking while a group of us were eating lunch yesterday. How many people said something in response to your comment about being excited about moving to India next year?" Trust me, the light bulb won't necessarily click on. As a matter of fact, you will likely hear, "Yea, but that was one time. That's not how things usually go for me." Helping this person dispute thinking will take time and more than one instance. Patience. If you really want to help this individual, which will likely help all of you in the work environment, practice patience with this individual.
Before ending the discussion, tell the person you want to end on a positive note. Ask what has been going well for the individual or what they feel grateful for over the past few weeks. People who are struggling have a hard time with this so have a few things in mind that you've noticed.
Before ending the discussion, tell the person you want to end on a positive note. Ask what has been going well for the individual or what they feel grateful for over the past few weeks. People who are struggling have a hard time with this so have a few things in mind that you've noticed.
Pessimism on social networking
 | Facebook conducted a study where they looked at how someone posting about the weather would affect the mood and types of responses in areas where the weather was not the same. The researchers found that for every negative post, there were an extra 1.29 negative posts than normal in that person’s social network. Happy posts had an even stronger effect, with every upbeat statement causing an extra 1.75 positive posts in the social network. It should be noted some of these researchers were Facebook employees (Maldonado). |
These results should make you consider your friends on social networking. Think about your friends who make you laugh daily via social networking and how even if you are not sure how to respond, you have the urge to join in on the fun. Sadly, we all know people who seem to only post negativity. Could they possibly complain any more? What does this do for you? Think about how you react. I know that I have quite strong reactions, like clenching my jaw, feeling a bit nauseous, thinking about the post longer than I'd like, and tensing my shoulders. As you read above, many have an urge to post a negative response to fuel the negativity. Which type of people do you want affecting your mood? On Facebook you can "unfollow" people. By unfollowing pessimists, they are still your friends but you won't see their daily negativity. You can check their page every so often and like their positive posts, if you can find any. You have enough stress in your daily life, keep social networking lighthearted. If you are guilty of daily negative posts, try for the next week to post only positive posts and see how many more likes and positive reactions you receive. How do you feel in comparison to getting reactions from negative posts?
There are clear benefits to working on increasing levels of optimism in your life. Where will you begin?
Akhtar, Miriam. Positive Psychology for Overcoming Depression: Self-help Strategies for Happiness, Inner Strength and Well-being. London: Watkins, 2012. Print.
Colman, Jessica, MAPP. Optimal Functioning: A Positive Psychology Handbook. N.p.: Colman, 2010. Electronic.
Fredrickson, Barbara, PhD. "Positive Psychology." Coursera. University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. Mar. 2015. Lecture.
Fredrickson, Barbara, PhD. "Positivity Test." Positivity. Fredrickson, 2009. Web. 27 Apr. 2016. <https://www.positivityratio.com/index.php>.
Keltner, Dacher. Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life. New York: W.W. Norton, 2009. Print.
Maldonado, Marissa. "The Anxiety of Facebook." PsychCentral. N.p., 2015. Web. 27 Apr. 2016. <http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-anxiety-of-facebook/>.
Lyubomirsky, Sonja. The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want. New York: Penguin, 2008. Print.
O'Hanlon, Bill, and Bob Bertolino. The Therapist's Notebook on Positive Psychology: Activities, Exercises, and Handouts. New York, NY: Brunner-Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group, 2012. Print.
Peterson, Christopher. A Primer in Positive Psychology. Oxford: Oxford UP, 2006. Print.
Top image is mine and edited using Font Candy / Second image is the Facebook logo that I edited on Font Candy
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