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Responses to your good news

11/30/2015

When you have exciting news, who are the first people you tell? Most of us at one point or another have shared good news only to be surprised by the response of our friends or family. The way people respond to your news is telling about how positive the relationship is.
To teach you about this, I’m going to share possible response types using examples from three different scenarios.

scoring the top mark on an exam
sharing news about moving to a new country
getting accepted to first choice for university

Active Constructive

How exciting! I’m not surprised. You always give your all in class and I know you study hard at home. I’d like to hear more about how you study at home so I can try to challenge you next time.
Wow! You are so lucky to get to move around to experience different cultures. I plan to move around when I’m older so make sure you keep in touch and share with me how you like your new location.
Wonderful! All of your hard work truly paid off. If anyone deserves this opportunity, it’s you. I can’t wait to hear about your experiences once you get there.

This person feels your excitement and genuinely wants more details.

Passive Constructive

You did well.
So you’re moving to a new country.
I heard you got accepted by your top choice.

This person shows understated support without sharing the excitement.

Active Destructive

I don’t think that exam was fair. I studied as hard as you did and the questions weren’t aligned with what we were told to study. The teacher likes you so you probably got more information than we did.
Why doesn’t your family just stay put? I don’t think it’s very healthy to move and leave your friends behind. I’d never want a life like you have.
I’m guessing you have family connections or they could tell you have a lot of money. No one gets into that school without some insider connection. Sorry, but you know it’s true.

This person is critical, demeaning, and/or pessimistic.

Passive Destructive

I can’t wait until the end of term.
My mom and I had the worst fight last night.
Did you see what she was wearing today?

This person ignores the news and your feelings.

The response types above are clearly quite different and say plenty about the health of the relationship. You will find that with the people who respond to you in an active constructive way, you will:

have fewer conflicts
experience higher levels of happiness
develop stronger trust levels
engage in more relaxing and fun activities together
feel accepted, understood, and cared for (Colman, 2010).

Do your best to share your exciting news with the people in your life who respond in an active constructive way. You know who they are! Be mindful of your own responses to the news others share with you. Watch your friendships grow as you share your friends' excitement while asking for more details.

Colman, Jessica. "Active Constructive Responding." Optimal Functioning: A Positive Psychology Handbook. Revised ed. Booknook.biz, 2010. Print.

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Reduce your stress in 20 minutes or less.

11/16/2015

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The time has come for work overload. Teachers have grades due and that means here come the exams, project deadlines, essays, and so on. The question is, how do you recognize and manage your stress while you are short on time? Look at the chart from help guide.org to first check for symptoms of stress.

I then recommend using PIES (Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Social) as an easy way to do a total self-check of your well-being. In times like these, if you are not careful, you will throw yourself into fight or flight mode. That serves a purpose when you are in real, immediate danger. If you stay in that mode when not in danger, there can be negative health ramifications. Look at the chart below.

pies.xlsx
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From now until the end of term, I recommend using this chart to document the ways you are practicing self-care. If you notice that you've let one aspect of your health go, get back on track or you will find the other parts of your health will likely be affected. This is not the time to fall apart.

Because time is a factor at this time of year, I'm going to provide you with ways in which you can look after your physical, intellectual, emotional, and social health in 20 minutes or less

Physical -> Try a 7-minute workout, take the long way to class to sneak in extra steps, try breathing exercises, take a power nap, walk/run to a quiet place and soak in nature

Intellectual -> Practice mindfulness play a brain training game, practice your new language skills with foreign students, listen to nature and do a visualization

Free Mindfulness Apps

9 brain sharpening apps

Emotional -> Send a message of gratitude to someone deserving, give out some hugs, buy the person behind you in line a little treat, play with your pets if they are near, watch one episode of your favorite series

Social -> Study with a group of friends taking the same course, agree to meet for laughs during study breaks, get in touch with supportive friends or family and tell them what's going well, share some funny clips with friends.

The finish line is in sight. Take good care of yourself and look after your friends, Sharon

Links above are active.

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I like to share brief, researched tips to help young people lead a balanced life. Typically I send tips via emails to expat teachers or students where I work. I've decided to share to a larger audience. While some parts of my blogs will clearly be geared toward expat young adults, many shared ideas will be generic tips that apply to anyone.

Responses to your good news

Reduce your stress in 20 minutes or less.

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